Its not our fault that there are so many Anti-Tottenham jokes around. Seriously, restricting them to just one single post, or even two, or for that matter even three, was never going to be possible! So here we are with Part 4 of the very best taunts directed at our ‘Bitter-Scum Rivals‘ ahead of the ‘North London Derby‘ this weekend.
You Gooners sit back and enjoy another set of screamers while We@11Gunners, look out for more ahead of the big game..
The following, as well as Part 1, 2 and 3, have been compiled by a fellow Gooner, Barney, hailing from London, UK. A ‘Big Thanks‘ to him from our side! Keep up the good work mate!
# A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has nowhere to live. “What about your parents?” asks the social worker. “No, they beat me,” says the boy. “What about your grandparents?” says the social worker. “No, they beat me even harder!” says the boy. “Well.. where do you want to stay then?” replies the social worker. “Tottenham,” says the boy. “They don’t beat anyone!”
# A man was found dead floating in the Thames, wearing a blond wig, full make-up, bra, knickers, suspenders and a Spurs shirt. Before informing the next of kin the police removed the Spurs shirt to save the family embarrassment!
# A little boy gets £10 for his birthday and rushes down to the sports shop to buy the new football he has been desperate for. He gives the ball to the shopkeeper, who says, “Sorry, son, this ball is £20. You only have £10”. The boy says, “OK, if you blindfold me and I can guess the name of the club on any ball, will you give it to me for £10?” He agrees and gives the boy an Arsenal ball. “I can hear cannons blasting, so it’s an Arsenal ball.” Next he gives him a Millwall ball: “I hear lions, so it’s Millwall.” Amazed, the shopkeeper says, “Get this and you can have it for nothing.” The boy listens and says Spurs. The man asks if he’s heard a cockerel. “No,” says the boy. “It’s going down!”
# A tourist is in North London one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon.
“Well,” replies the man, “the Arsenal ground is very close but they’re playing away today. If you feel you really must see a match, the Tottenham ground is not that far away. You go straight down this road and you’ll see two queues, a big queue and a small queue.
You should go to the small queue because the big one is for the fish and chip shop!
# A man is sitting in a pub with his Jack Russell dog one Saturday afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the corner, “Liverpool 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1,” reads the announcer in his normal, rather sedate, voice.
Suddenly the Jack Russell dog jumps up and shouts out, “Oh, no, not again.”
The shocked landlord says, “That’s amazing. Why did he say that when the result was announced that Tottenham lost?”
“Because he’s a Spurs supporter,” the dog’s owner replies.
The landlord then asked what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to which the man replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only had him three years!”
# When a groggy Vedran Corluka regained consciousness in the ambulance leaving the Britannia Stadium on Sunday he asked medical staff who he was. On being told he played football for Tottenham Hotspur he lapsed into a coma!
# I was up at Spurs and decided to get a cup of tea from the burger van, I asked the guy if he could rustle me up a cup or a mug, and he replied: “Sorry mate no cups, they’re all at Arsenal, and the mugs are on the pitch!”
# Many moons ago when I was at school, two of my mates were Spurs supporters. They would go to White Hart Lane and wait for about ten minutes after kick off and climb over the wall. One Saturday a policeman caught them and he made them go back in and watch the rest of the game!
# Apparently the entire Tottenham squad have been busy honing their skills playing the computer game Championship Manager. Sadly it seems Harry misunderstood and thinks they want to play for a Championship manager!
# Harry Redknapp, shortly after another training session, comments to the head groundsman at White Hart Lane how impressive the pitch is looking. “It ought to,” replies the groundsman. “We put 70 million quid’s worth of manure on it every week!”
# Four surgeons are taking a coffee break: 1st surgeon says “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” 2nd surgeon says “Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.” 3rd surgeon says “Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded.” 4th surgeon says “I prefer Spurs fans. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable!”